One of the great benefits of the au pair program is the help au pairs provide with household duties related to children. For busy parents, even a little assistance with au pair household chores can make a big difference. Coming home to a cleaner, more organized space at the end of the day allows you to focus on more quality time with your children instead of worrying about tasks like dinner prep or laundry.
What are child-related household duties?
Cultural Care defines these au pair responsibilities as:
Doing the kids’ laundry
Helping keep their rooms tidy
Preparing their meals
According to U.S. Department of State regulations, au pairs—who are in the U.S. on a J-1 visa—are only permitted to handle au pair chores and household tasks that relate directly to the children in their care. And, it's important to note that au pairs must complete these tasks within the program's work limits, which consist of weekly work hours of no more than 45 hours per week and daily work hours of no more than 10 hours per day.
How to assign tasks and set expectations for your au pair
You'll want to set clear expectations for child-related household tasks to ensure your au pair knows what to do. Consider these tips:
Provide a clear list of chores for your au pair: Write out specific au pair chores related to the children
Teach the tasks: Show your au pair how to perform each chore the way you like it done
Set routines: Incorporate these chores into a daily or weekly schedule
Integrate work and play: Offer strategies for balancing chores with children's activities
Communicate expectations: Discuss the importance of completing these tasks and address issues directly if they arise
It's also important to help your au pair understand chore expectations based on your children's developmental stages. For instance, an au pair caring for toddlers will likely be responsible for meal preparation, laundry, and tidying up after them. With teenagers, however, these duties might be less extensive as this age group can handle more tasks themselves.
Empower your au pair to enlist the children's help with age-appropriate chores; this not only balances the au pair's workload, but also fosters your children's growth and independence.
Balancing household help and childcare
While most families and au pairs naturally find a balance between childcare and household help, the lack of specifics can leave parents unsure about what’s acceptable. To provide clarity, we polled families about the type and amount of au pair chores or household help they ask for:
No household help: 5% of families
1–4 hours per week: 66% of families
5–9 hours per week: 24% of families
10+ hours per week: 5% of families
Common tasks au pairs can help with
Here’s what families shared about the tasks their au pairs perform:
Washing kids’ dishes and preparing meals
Doing children’s laundry
Running kid-related errands, like returning library books
Preparing school lunches
Occasionally vacuuming or mopping up after the kids
Cleaning the back seat of the car (about once a month)
Making children’s beds and changing their sheets
Picking up and organizing toys
These tasks fall under reasonable expectations for au pair chores, as they relate directly to the children.
Do au pairs clean the house?
A common question we hear from prospective host families is "do au pairs clean the house?" The answer, as you can likely already tell, is not so black and white.
According to the U.S. Department of State, au pairs can assist with child-related tasks around the house. This includes tidying children's rooms and cleaning up after them in shared spaces like the kitchen and playroom.
Au pairs are also responsible for keeping their own rooms clean and organized. If they have a private bathroom or share one with the children, they can be tasked with cleaning that, as well.
And, while au pair chores can sometimes consist of light housekeeping tasks like washing dishes after a shared meal or occasionally taking out the garbage, they cannot be asked to perform heavy cleaning inside or outside the house.
Cultural variations in au pair responsibilities
It's natural for au pairs to arrive with different perspectives on household chores, as norms vary significantly depending on cultural differences. In some countries, it's normal to have lots of household help, while in others, it's customary for individuals to manage their own housework. Since these expectations differ from country to country and even household to household, the best approach is to clearly communicate your home's expectations as early in the matching process as possible. This ensures au pairs know exactly what to expect.
Managing chore-related disagreements with your au pair
Even with clear expectations, you and your au pair might sometimes find yourselves at odds regarding au pair chores and household help. If your au pair isn't completing tasks as requested or to your standards, it's time for a simple conflict-management conversation. Clearly explain your concerns, providing specific examples of what isn't working.
There could be several reasons for the discrepancy in your au pair's duties and responsibilities:
Your au pair's standard of cleanliness differs from your own
Your au pair is struggling to balance childcare with chores
Your au pair misunderstood your instructions
Whatever the cause, be ready to listen to their perspective and work together toward a shared solution.
When in doubt, ask for help
If your au pair believes the chores you're asking of them fall outside of reasonable expectations or program rules, it's wise to get a third opinion from your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC) or a Cultural Care staff member. Interpretations of program rules can be ambiguous, and an outside perspective is often invaluable.
The bottom line
Au pair household chores are one of the most attractive benefits of the au pair program. By keeping your requests reasonable, communicating clear expectations, and offering support when needed, you can ensure a positive and balanced experience for both your family and your au pair.
Read more frequently asked questions here.